Big Entertainment and Lifeforms Unlimited Presents – DevoWorld!
As theme park designers and huge fans of Devo, we were very excited to read about Wes Anderson’s desire to develop a theme park designed by Mark Mothersbaugh. So we humbly offer our Top Ten attractions for DevoWorld:
10. it’s a “beautiful world” – Take a whimsical boat ride through lively scenes of groupthink, emotional repression, and dehumanization! And singing dolls, the most disturbing part!
9. Whip It! – The classic “Whip” attraction is updated and devolved! Guests climb into their spinning energy domes and dodge cracking leather whips! Because there’s not enough S&M imagery in today’s amusement parks!
8. Booji Boy Meet ‘n’ Greet! – Little Spuds will line up for hours (we’ll make sure it’s hours, even if there’s only ten people in the park!) to meet with DevoWorld’s signature mascot and experience his Yoda-like wisdom and pre-adolescent sexuality!
7. Wiggly World Fun House! – You’ll need to walk like a mannequin, roll like a tire, act on reaction, and dodge the big spud fryer to get out of this crazy attraction! (Why we put a vat of boiling oil into a theme park ride is anyone’s guess!)
6. Duty Now for the Futureland! – Join the Smart Patrol and explore this dynamic vision of a tomorrow filled with the same mechanical rides you’ll find everywhere else in the park!
5. Working In A Coalmine Train! – The longest, darkest, sootiest mine train coaster ever, this record-breaking attraction will have you asking, “How long can this go on!?”
4. Peek-A-Boo PlayPen! – Babies will love the Peek-A-Boo PlayPen! And parents will love – or be very distressed – that DevoWorld employees are constantly “monitoring” their babies! “I can see you! And I know what you do!”
3. General Boy’s Alien Abduction! – This 5D mega-show will make you feel like YOU’VE been probed! (Because you will actually get probed; it’s the fifth D!)
2. Girl U Want Tunnel Of Love! – Is that the “aroma of undefined love?” No, it’s the smell of dank water and mold! We really need to clean this ride more often!
1. Race of Doom! – This thrilling roller coaster delivers on its promise! You’ll be “strapped in a freewheeling, flying off the track” car on a mad dash till you “self-destruct!” (But seriously, you’ll probably lose a limb, or worse. We subcontracted this one from China. Sorry.)
Are We Not Season Pass-holders?!
P. S. Clearly, the China Pavilion at Expo 2010 was a sign of things to come. Restored to its proper upright orientation, the red energy dome will make a fine “castle” for DevoWorld.